" The first draft is just you telling yourself the story." -Terry Pratchett |
This is blog I found it one of my harder blogs to compose. I believe because it felt as if I’m comparing my life story to the Wizard of Oz. Which happens to be one of my favorite childhood movies. Here are some links to three clips relating to the Wizard of Oz Wizard of Oz: If I Only Had The Brain, Heart, Nerve, Wizard of Oz: Meeting the Wizard, and Wizard of Oz: You've Always Had the Power . After watching some of the scenes it was clear to me how my narrative project reflected on the brain, heart, and nerve (emotions).
It allowed me to see my younger self and realize that I was stronger then what I thought I was back then. Even though I was able to get through those obstacles in the past, back then I wasn’t strong enough to write about my story. It appears that the me today able to write down what I experienced.
My feeling back then and now is still quite the same every time I tell my story to someone new, or even someone who’s aware of my past. I still get choked up and tears still run down my face as if it was just yesterday instead of 12 years ago. I don’t think the emotion will ever go away because it was personal, and a huge part of my life involved.
My story goes deep into a time in my life where I wasn’t sure of myself and my emotion were all over the place. I didn’t know if the huge decision I had made was the right choice or even the best choice for my life.
My narrative gave me the ability to write every event, or memory that I recalled to my best knowledge to give my audience to experience it as if they are in every scene beside me as it is happening.
Both, things you go through in life gives you an opinion as well as the stories we hear from others. When something happens to you it stays in the back of your mind. Even when time goes by that same memory will come back, and you’ll remember what you experienced at that moment. Now the stories we tell ourselves or believe may not necessarily ever happen to us in life, but because we have heard it previously from someone else life it may change or even effect how we make decisions in our own life.
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I had the pleasure of reading Hills Like White Elephants (Ernest Hemingway) . I read the story twice, first on my own then got the second chance of reading and discussing it with my class. I have linked the story in the beginning so you too can check it out. I felt that the girl in this story felt anger towards the man, but more so she felt alone on making a decision that could change not only her life but those around her as well. Reading this story, I can remember a time in my life where I felt alone and had to make an enormous decision, even though I had the support of others. It was springtime and I had a watermelon under my shirt that had amazing stripes on it. I could feel her kicking all the time. The small seed that resided inside of me was now a half-grown watermelon size baby. Forget about morning sickness I suffered from all day sickness. On top of being sick I also suffered from depression. I think the fact that I was given a choice to terminate my baby or go on everyday not knowing if she would make it through full term mad me even more sad by the day. I not only had to deal with feeling bad emotionally, and physical, but I was now told by my OB/ GYN that I was a high pregnancy risk because of my daughter diagnosis. I previously visited a specialist who explained to me that my unborn child wouldn’t live a normal nor long life. It was a lot to deal with especially since I was only 22 years old and had never been a mother before but was now going to be responsible for not only a baby but a severely ill infant. It was hard to even image my life as real I felt like I was living in one of those sad lifetime movies that never ended good. Was my life now a movie only difference was I didn’t know how things would turn out or end for that matter. Everyday I would wake up sick and just cry for hours I cried for me but mostly for my beautiful unborn girl. I didn’t know what to expect every day when I woke up, but no matter what I felt my mother made sure she came in my bedroom every morning to talk to my unborn daughter. “Good morning grand-daughter how’s mom mom’s baby doing in there,” my mom said. “Mom stop it mom it’s too early for you to be in my room,” I said. “Its never too early to talk to my grand-baby I don’t care what those doctors say, they don’t know only God has the last say,” my mom said. “I know mom I know,” I said with emotion. The truth was that I didn’t know what to believe I just knew I had a life in me that was growing more and more squeezing all my organ painfully together. My boyfriend was very supportive and there at every moment except at night, my mother was very religious and didn’t believe my boyfriend should stay the night with me since we weren’t married. The irony I’m 22 years old and pregnant already what more could happen I get double pregnant. It was a normal morning and my bladder was always full. I lived in the restroom between puking my guts up and peeing I spent most of my day near or on the bowl. I noticed that something was different today I didn’t feel my daughter kick much or even move, which seemed extremely weird to me since I normally had a little gymnastic inside of me. I told my mother of my concerns because my boyfriend was at work as usual. Now for most mom wouldn’t normally wig out but for me because it was told to me by the specialist with no compassion that my child could possibly die within my womb. I didn’t hesitate to tell my mother I needed to go to the emergency room. My mom drove me to Lankenau hospital where I sat maybe 20 minutes in the emergency room due to the circumstances of me being pregnant, I was in a room faster then normal. The tech came in to do an ultrasound on my watermelon formed belly, as she put the cold gel on my stop, I felt my chest getting tighter and tighter. What if she saw my baby girl lying the lifeless no heartbeat, no movement? I more I thought about the more I felt emotional, afraid, but more alone then anything. It didn’t matter how much my mom was by my side, or the fact that her dad was there at every appointment being supportive. At the end it was me alone, who held the cord to her life inside of me, me who would feel empty if my beautiful baby girl was lifeless, and me who would be seedless and empty of life. The ultrasound technician pressed the machine against my stomach and there she was balled up sleeping with the most perfect heartbeat that I’ve ever heard. I felt joy, love, and suddenly being alone I was no more my seed, my small watermelon size baby girl was still apart of my womb. I later found out that the reason why I didn’t feel her kicking was because I was severely dehydrated yes all I need was water for my little gymnastic to backstroke in. 9/10/2019 5 Comments Composing an Emotional Scene I had the pleasure of reading the story My Name is Margaret (Maya Angelou) I was able to relate to this story in so many ways. The anger that Margaret (Maya Angelou) felt towards Mrs. Cullinan, who insisted on calling Margaret the name Mary, even though she knew Margaret was her name. No matter how many times Mrs. Cullinan called her Mary, Margaret never accepted it as her name, and It only irritated Margaret more and more every time she said it. This emotion described reminded me of a time when I felt angry and sad at the same time, when someone tried to convince me to believe in something that I was totally against. I would love to share my story with others because you never know how you can change someone's life with your own personal story.
As I hold this cream-colored book in my hand tied with a silk ribbon which I’m contemplating if I should open it. This book isn’t just a normal book filled with photos or some beautiful memories, it’s a part of a story in my life. I finally got the heart to untie the ribbon and when I opened the book up it was a clay imprint of my daughter Mizani’s handprint. I’m sure to most they would say well what’s so special about a handprint well I’ll tell you why. Mizani lived a very short but happy life while she was here on this earth, and sadly God had only allowed me to burrow her for only 9month. So, you see this handprint amongst some other things symbolizes Mizani's life while she was here with me. The handprint has always made me have many mixed emotions both happy and sad, happy because God chose me to be her mother, and sad because I’m no longer able to hold her warm hands. It was sometime in the spring I remember because it was beautiful outside but not too hot but not cold enough to wear a jacket. It was the year 2007 and I had just found out I was carrying a beautiful baby girl inside of me. I’ll never forget it was a Saturday morning and my mother took me to get my first ultrasound, which I was highly excited about since I had just started to feel my baby's firsts kick. The ultrasound technician was extremely nice and showed me about five different pictures of my baby she was glad to announce that it was a girl. I always wanted a girl someone to; kiss all over, dress up in pink, and yellow dresses. I remember calling my boyfriend because he was at work to tell him our first born was going to be a girl. The excitement in his voice made me even happier that we were having this beautiful girl together. Monday morning came and my phone began to ring surprisingly it was from a number I didn’t recognize. It was a doctor who name I can’t quite remember, but the doctor did tell me that I had recently had an ultrasound and that they found something on the ultrasound and needed to discuss it with me in person. Nervously I said, “What’s wrong I have the ultrasound pictures right here, and the baby looked perfect.” The doctor continued to talk over me by saying “Ms. Montgomery we just need to come in as soon as possible. So many thoughts rambled through my head and I sat there confused on my bed. I called my boyfriend to let him know that we needed a follow up appointment with a specialist, he then questioned me about what the doctor spoke to be about on the phone which I couldn’t even mention because he didn't give me much information. I asked my mother if she could come along with us to the appointment for moral support and she answered quickly “absolutely daughter.” We arrived at the hospital and headed to the unit and office of the specialist, who happened to be a middle age man. Sitting down at his wooden desk he stood up to greet my mother, boyfriend, and I. He introduced his self and told us to make ourselves comfortable, which seemed amazedly hard since he had called me with news that he couldn’t discuss over the phone and it led me to believe it wasn’t good news at all. My boyfriend sat next to me holding my hand to comfort me for whatever news the doctor had planned on telling us. The Doctor went on to explain how the ultrasound had revealed a deformity he explained that our beautiful girl had a disease by the name of Anencephaly and that it meant she didn’t have a scull or fully-grown brain. After that the words he mentioned kind of was a blur to me I was stuck and trying to process the devastating news. My mother spoke for us “what do you mean without a scull doctor?” Something about his voice that I couldn't stomach I don’t know if it was the unsympathetic way he explained everything with no compassion. Tears ran down my face and every time I began to speak a huge lump would arise in the back of my throat. The doctor kept talking and the more he explained the more I cried and he said “Ms. Montgomery do you understand what I’m saying? I'm saying that the baby will be in pain, not thrive to eat, and most babies don’t even make it through a full term pregnancy.” More tears fell down my face and then he said something that made my stomach turn “Ms. Montgomery it’s not too late for you to terminate the pregnancy.” The tears came to a pause and something came over me and I was able to speak “ Doctor I don’t know if you know but there’s a life growing inside of me and she’s alive and kicking, I don’t care what you think or what you believe but I’m keeping my baby girl. He had the nerve to repeat it two more times and I had enough I was ready to go about 20 minutes into him talking. The anger I had for this doctor was a feeling I’ll never forget. There nothing worst then someone trying to convince to believe something that you know isn’t right, and no matter how many times they say it or how they try to sugar coat it, it will never sit well with you. I'm so glad that I decided to go with my heart and give Mizani the fighting chance she deserved. Even though she only lived for 10 months it was the happiest moments in my life everyday we made memories to last a lifetime. Now imagine if I went along with the doctor I would've never gotten the chance to experience truth love. It's amazing how someone else story can bring back emotions and memories of something that happen to in your past. The story “My Name Is Margaret may not have been my exact story, but I felt that same emotion of anger towards the doctor. Especially when he insisted I terminate my pregnancy as Margaret did towards Mrs. Cullinan when she insisted on calling her the wrong name even though she knew it was wrong. I hope after reading my story and “My Name Is Margaret that you too take something from it or that it also sparks some kind of emotion inside of you, and I hope you if you are ever in a situation where someone is saying something that is wrong or offensive to you that you stand up for yourself or others. 9/5/2019 1 Comment Writing Process Roundtable Hi, my name is Shayla Montgomery, and this is my 2nd Blog but , writing is still a new learning process for me. All writers must start some where and this somewhere for me is the Writing Process Roundtable. In this process I’ll be sitting down to discuss The Writing Process with authors Ann Lamott, Mary Karr, and Don Murray. I hope after reading this blog, it will be insightful and help other who too struggle with writing. Below I have left links to each writers’ book.
Teach Writing as a Process Not a Product (Don Murray) Against Vanity: In Praise of Revision (Mary Karr) Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life | pp. 28 -34 | Short Assignments & Shitty First Drafts (Anne Lamott) Today was a beautiful day and most importantly its my day off from school and work . Which are very rare cases, because normally when I’m off from one place I’m at another. So, I decided that I should finish up my English Composition 1 paper on this beautiful sunny inspired day. I wanted to try something different I usually type my papers up in my dining room but today I wanted to be inspired so I decided to change my environment. I stopped at Starbucks first to get my favorite drink a passion fruit ice- tea lemonade, I know it sound like a sugar volcano, but whenever I’m writing I need energy, and this drink does the trick. Instead of being lazy and pulling through the drive thru. I decided to carry my laptop inside Starbucks while I sit down and sip on my tea. Looking at the different people sitting down all engaged in their phones, business calls, laptops, and books. I couldn’t figure out where I wanted to sit until I found a table with two women sitting down deep into a discussion. So, I walked up and asked if they had room for one more and delighted, they answered yes, we all introduced ourselves to one another. The first lady sitting to my right name was Ann Lamott, and her friend sitting across the table name was Mary Karr. After everyone was acquainted, they informed me that they had another friend joining us named Don Murray, and that they were all writers. What’s the odds that I’m trying to write a paper and I run into three writers. I swiftly mentioned that I was writing a paper and that I couldn’t quite figure out how to even begin. Just as Ann began to answer my question an older fellow walked up to the table and greeted us all. The ladies informed him who I was and how I had writers block. Don Murray started off by saying “Its is the responsibility of the student to explore his own world with his own language, to discover his own meaning.” The room was quite for about a minute and then Anne and Mary both nod with agreement. I thought long and hard about what Don said and he was right. For me to be able to write my own words I needed to dig deep inside myself and explore my own mind. Don Murray then went on to say “There must be time for the writing process to take place and time for it to end. I needed to sip on more of my tea before I opened my mouth for a deeper discussion on what he meant by that.I think Don was saying at some point you need to just start writing and see where it leads you, and once you figure out what direction you have to keep in mind that you have to finish in a timely matter and complete your writing. The ladies sat back in silence as if Don was on the stage, or the lead act and they were in the audience. Don rubbed his long grey beard as if he was stuck into his own advice or maybe he was thinking of more advice to give me. He excused his self away from the table to go order a round of coffee for everyone. The ladies smiled at me and then asked I need more advice I briefly answered yes like a desperate mad woman. Mary Karr started off by saying “You can be a slave to current magazines or a slave to history.” I Sat there wondering how we even got about history when I’m trying to write my English paper! Mary went on to explain by saying “History’s harder, but also more stable-and the books are better because they’ve been culled over time.” So basically, I perceived this meaning stick to things that are original and not so much what’s trending. Don Murray came back with five cups of hot espresso which he suggested would be more effective then my tea when it came to enhanced energy. We all took sips of the steaming espresso and then Don remembered the conversation we last had. Don Murray began by saying “There are no rules, no absolutes, just alternatives.” The writing process was becoming more and more clear to me so many ideas were now entering my mind. Don Murray received a phone call and informed us that he had to exit the conversation and that he enjoyed our conversation on the writing process. Anne Lamott, Mary Karr, and I finished up our still warm cups of expresso and continued with our deep and interesting conversation about writing. Anne Lamott said, “Very few writers really know what they are doing until they’ve done it.” Which made me feel very relieved to know that I wasn’t the first person who struggled with writing a paper. Anne Lamott jokingly said, “For me and most of the other writers I know, writing is not rapturous.” “In fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts.” We all busted out in laughter at the same time, and it felt good to laugh with the ladies since our previous conversation were more serious. Anne then looked to Mary Karr as if she expected her to also give me her very best advice or any suggestions even though Mary had spoken earlier. Mary Karr started by saying “Actually, every writer needs two selves-the generative and the editor self.” Mary Karr also told me “Let your mind roam down some alleys that may land in dead ends-that’s the nature of the process.” I was so honored to be in the presence of these two amazing women. I appreciated their supportiveness, and honesty, especially because I was a stranger to them. They had only met me an hour ago in a coffee shop but, yet the information they exchanged with me was so useful. Even Don’s words inspired me, and I couldn’t wait to get back to the comfort of my quiet home. I had learned so much within a day’s time information that would last a lifetime. I now realized that with writing the process is different for everyone, and there are different methods to how you can complete the task. “Writing is an expression of words that comes from the mind and heart, it isn’t something that just shows up like a magical unicorn.”With practice and plenty rough drafts, a writer will recognize their own weakness and turn them into strengths. “ I’m my own biggest critic so no one can scrutinize me more than myself.” I hope with each writing assignment that I complete that I show a great significant improvement in my writing skills and some day be able to start my own personal blog. I strongly believe “You can never work too much on your dreams, because you are your best investment.” 9/3/2019 1 Comment The Proust Questionnaire They say “Never judge a book by its binding” but, what if you could get an insight in someones mind from just a number of questions, that could allow you to know the way they think. At least French novelist Marcel Proust came up with a concept of questions that could. Proust even was clever enough to come up with a questionnaire called The Proust Questionnaire that would identify or expose a person’s truth. So, I guess we shall see my truth in the way I perceive things.
__1.__What is your idea of perfect happiness? Perfect happiness is waking up with no worries and living everyday carefree. It’s having the career and job that you’ve always wanted and desired. Perfect happiness is waking up to a; beautiful, loving, caring family to share it with! __2.__What is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is failure and not succeeding in my career path. __3.__What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? If there was any trait, I could get rid of it would be my self confidence in myself. I have the worst habit of second guessing myself. __4.__What is the trait you most deplore in others? If I could name a trait that I dislike the most in other it would be a dishonest person who lies to get what they want. __5.__Which living person do you most admire? I admire my oldest and only brother. I chose him because, he has built a business from the ground up. His drive for his business to be successful has taught me so much. __6.__What is your greatest extravagance? I over spend on my daughter every time I’m out I can’t resist to buying her unnecessary things. __7.__What is your current state of mind? My state of mind currently is very positive. __8.__What do you consider the most overrated virtue? I would say the most overrated virtue would be generosity because sometimes people will take advantage of your kindness. __9.__On what occasion do you lie? I can’t lie and keep a straight face its extremely hard for me. __10.__What do you most dislike about your appearance? I most dislike about my appearance is that I am judged by my hijab people will just assume that i may be an extreme because of my religion. When in reality I'm really laid back,and I occasionally use bad language. __11.__Which living person do you most despise? I despise Donald Trump more than anyone, Instead of him making America great again he’s destroying everything that many people in the past fought and died for. __12.__What is the quality you most like in a man? I love a man who believes equal rights for both men and women. __13.__What is the quality you most like in a woman? I love when women empower one another instead of tearing each other down for no reason. __14.__Which words or phrases do you most overuse? I love you! I literally tell my family I love them 5 or more times a day. __15.__What or who is the greatest love of your life? My two daughter Mizani and Mariah are the greatest gift that God ever gave me. __16.__When and where were you happiest? One of the happiest days was when I married my husband, because he such a loving, caring, and supportive man. __17.__Which talent would you most like to have? I would love to have the ability to be able to respond to emergency at a timely manner when it comes to saving lives and being productive in my career. __18.__If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would want to be way more confident with myself. __19.__What do you consider your greatest achievement? My greatest achievement would be being a mother and leaving a legacy behind even when I’m no longer here on this earth no longer. __20.__If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? I would come back as a butterfly, because they come from something so simple as a caterpillar and turn into this beautiful creature that can just fly anywhere so freely. __21.__Where would you most likely to live? I’ve always wanted to live in Arizona its; no grass, warm all the time, pools are built with every house, and did I mention I wont have to cut grass! __22.__What is your most treasured possession? My heart is my most treasured possession because without it I wouldn’t have the ability to be compassionate, loving, caring. __23.__What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? One being so miserable that they’ll tell lies about other to make themselves look good. __24.__What is your favorite occupation? My favorite occupation would be being a Nursing Assistant on a transplant unit. I can help patients get through some of the hardest times in their life when transitioning with a new organ. __25.__What is your most marked characteristic? I would say the most trait that stands out about myself would be my ambition, because whenever I’m determined about something, I won’t allow anything to get in my way. __26.__What do you most value in your friends? The most important qualities I look for in a friend is to be loyal, supportive, and honesty. __27.__Who are your favorite writers? My favorite poet would be Maya Angelou her poetry has always touched me in a way I can’t explain. __28.__Who is your hero of fiction? Batman has always been my favorite hero even though he’s costume symbolizes darkness he actually represents goodness in the dark city of Gotham. __29.__Which historical figure do you most identify with? Oprah Winfrey is an amazing historical figure in my eyes, despite her rough life growing up in a rough neighborhood, and not having a safe childhood she was still able to beat the odds. She didn’t allow her past to get in the way of her future. She was so determined and ambitious that she not only had a successful talk show, but other successful business ventures such as; written screen plays to movies, her own television network, and to mention being a billionaire. __30.__Who are your heroes in real life? My two heroes are my father and brother the two men who I can honestly count on all the time. __31.__What are your favorite names? My favorite names are Chanel, London, and Aisha. __32.__What is it that you most dislike? I dislike most when people aren’t truthful. __33.__What is your greatest regret? My greatest regret is not finishing school 5 years ago and allowing excuse after excuse to get in my way of me returning to school. __34.__How would you like to die? I would like to die as a Muslim with no pain and suffering. __35.__What is your motto? My motto I go by is “Live your life like every day is your last”. |
Shayla MontgomeryHi I'm Shayla I'm a wife, mother, and student. I currently work full-time while going to school part-time to obtain an degree i nursing. Archives
December 2019
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